My sweet boy,
How about a story....a story about the first time I saw your face.
On a cool November day, just like many others, I drove to school to volunteer in my classroom. I was still on leave with your sister, Kate, and wanted to build a relationship with the students whom I would teach come second semester. The day was quite ordinary to be honest but a certain sign caught my eye. It was posted in front of the neighborhood church and it said, "Let Your Faith Be Bigger than Your Fear." It gave me chills and I quickly pulled over and snagged a blurry photo of the sign and sent it to Daddy. I didn't think of the sign again...at least for a few hours. I went about the morning reading with my students and then headed home for lunch.
After tucking Jack and Katherine in for a nap, I proceeded to blog about a trip to Hilton Head. Just as I was typing about Kate playing on the same stretch of beach where we had our final adoption conference call, our home phone rang. Reading the caller ID, I could see that it was CCAI, our agency. I assumed that we forgot something for Kate's 6 month update but that was certainly not the case. The lady on the other end said, "Hello, Kristina?" I answered and then waited. She said, "This is Sherri and I wanted to talk to you about the file of a little boy named Bei Er."
I was stunned. And very rarely does something, or in this case, someone surprise me. But you did, my little Bear. You gave me the shock of a lifetime. I want you to know that I was always coming for you...before you were ever born, I was on my way. But I was told my wait would be 2 years...not 6 months! A foggy daze rolled over me and my cheeks flushed as I asked Sherri to repeat what she had said. Without skipping a beat, she repeated her words with the kindest voice. A voice that assured me that she was smiling on the other end of the line. Then, she went on....
She told me that your name was Bei Er (Bear) and that you were adorable…a handsome and chubby, little fellow. She shared that you were a favorite of the nannies as she read what they had to say about you… “His smiles brings the utmost happiness to all around him. One could never bare to scold him.” I giggled to myself as I imagined your face and dreamed of a little boy named "Bear." Sherri told me to hang tight as she emailed me your picture.
I hung up the phone and waited for your picture to pop up in my inbox. I debated waiting for Daddy and wondered if he would be disappointed if I took a little peek without him. I wouldn’t gaze too long, just a…. my thought wasn’t complete when I heard the ding. My numb fingers moved surprisingly quick as I double clicked on the email titled "Bei Er.". You see, this mama’s heart couldn’t spend another moment wondering what you looked like. And this is what I saw.
It was then that I felt the most powerful of all emotions....a mother's love. It filled my heart....Powerful. Tender. True. I couldn't wait to tell Daddy about you but I decided to wait until the evening when everyone was tucked into bed and so we could talk together. I enjoyed keeping you all to myself for a little while. I did the same with your siblings....kept them to myself for just a tiny bit. When everyone was fast asleep, I shared the amazing news and your picture with Daddy. He smiled....a quiet smile that let me know that he was soaking the moment in. The only discussion that evening was what would be the quickest way to get you home...forever home. And as we scrambled to complete the fastest adoption in the history of this planet, we received this a few days later. A video of you.
We are coming for you, Bear. Six months of paper chasing, pleading with the government, standing toe-to-toe with any obstacle in our way... We are coming. Tomorrow morning Daddy and I will get on an airplane and fly around the world to meet you. To become your parents. To be your family. To bring you home. We are coming. Just a few more days, little man. Be brave.
Wo Ai Ni,